Falling in Love....(Gloria's Side)

There are so many songs that speak of living, laughing and most of all, loving. I really think that there are 2 universal languages. Love and of course, music.
Millions of dollars have gone into the recording and productions of great and classical love stories. Stories and songs about love at first sight, finding love, love leaving you, hearts mended by love and sadly, hearts broken by love.
Love can be the greatest and worst thing all at the same time, especially if it is true love. I think I'm still learning what that is. We will probably be learning about that our whole life.
Nathan and I met when we were 16 and 17 years of age. I think I already mentioned that it was through a church youth group in a previous post. I remember one of the first things that I thought after meeting Nathan was..."nice guy, horrible clothes, dreadful toque, but a really nice guy!" Nathan has told me many times since that he just hated it if girls would tell him he "was a really nice guy." He was pretty sure that was their cop-out for turning him down if he asked for a date. Nathan says there's nothing worse than when a girl says that.
I was in a different relationship at the time, and so there was nothing between us at that point but great friendship. In fact, we often confided in each other about different things and sought advice from each other on different issues as good friends will do. Our first "date" ever (and I say "date" because it wasn't a real date) was a Christmas youth banquet and we both needed someone to go with. I was at the tail end of a relationship nightmare and wasn't interested in dating anymore. However, Nathan suggested we go as friends and that it would be more fun than me going by myself. It was a beautiful banquet, but we were just friends having a good time.
That winter was a difficult one for me, I struggled with depression and loneliness a lot of the time. I was constantly overworking myself. I lost my appetite and barely ate enough to get by. Many people will respond to stress by overeating, I was on the complete other side of that spectrum. The more stressed I was, the less I ate. My physical health was starting to deteriorate, as a result of all the stresses around me and I started to feel caged and trapped.
It was around this time, that on one of my monthly ER visits, that I was recommended to see a gynecologist. The pain in my uterus was lasting for days at a time, and it was simply becoming debilitating. However, the wait to see the gynecologist was long...many months in fact. If I remember correctly, I waited nearly a year on the waiting list before an appointment became available.
The winter did pass and spring came. I graduated from college that spring with a certificate in health care. I was offered a job immediately at the Boundary Trails Health Center, and I started a new chapter of my life.
It was shortly after my college grad that Nathan came to me with a confession. We can all guess what it was. He wanted to be more than friends, and take our friendship to the next level. I will never forget that day..I laugh when I look back now. I tried everything in my power to scare him off. I didn't want to date him, I wanted us to keep what we had, a wonderful friendship in which I felt safe and free to be me. My previous relationship had left me with very little confidence in myself and my abilities to trust many of the opposite sex.
I didn't want to hurt Nathan, I loved him dearly as a friend, but I wasn't interested in being his girlfriend. I just knew it would fall apart really quickly and than he would never want to be my friend again. I gave him a book to read the day he asked me out, which was supposed to scare him away. Nathan took the book home, promptly started reading and called me an hour later saying, "I think this book is great! We should definitely try to have relationship the way this book says!" I gulped and weakly said, "Really?" I told him I needed time. He said that was no problem, he had all the time in the world. Of course he did.
In the end, of course I said yes. I told him I was willing to see if we could make it work. Looking back, I pity him immensely. I was one reluctant girl. I was so scared that he would leave once he saw all my flaws, that I never actually allowed myself to fall in love with him. I knew he was a wonderful person and someone that I could spend my whole life with, but I was waiting for that day when he would tell me that I just wasn't good enough.
We were engaged pretty quickly with a year long engagement. There was plenty of time for Nathan to get to know me for who I really was. A scared, not confident girl who just pretended to make sure other people wouldn't see how much she was hurting inside. Depression had settled in and I took medication regularly for it. in fact, it was six months into our engagement before I finally told Nathan that I hardly ever ate anything. When I was around other people I would eat just enough so that they wouldn't notice. All right, that's enough for now.. will continue later.